This New Season of Life

This is what I'm going to say tonight at a "Father/Daughter" banquet so around seven this evening I would be honored if you would pray that I give a word that can be used by others.

I have officially entered into a New Season for my life, one I did not choose, one I did not want and one that at times I am ill-equipped to handle. Nevertheless it is one that through God's providence I am in. In all things of God you choose to run to Him or you choose to build resentment and anger, your choice. I personally am choosing to run too God. Because the Bible does teach us that everything that God brings us to He will also bring us through. Over ten times in the Bible both Old and New Testaments it states, "I will never leave you or forsake you." I can try to do this on my own or I can allow God to work in my life as I rely on His promises. Again I say as Joshua did, "as for me and my house I choose the Lord."

I said I was ill-equipped, I am. I am not sure anything I have done in life could have prepared me to play the role of Father and Mother, Father - yes Mother - NO! Katie has been pretty well taught most things she needs to know being a woman; hygiene, the dreaded talk and what boys really want. I taught her to always have an exit strategy and to have it preplanned because your mind becomes very foggy when stuck in a position you didn't want to be in, and when he says I love you his definition may be different than the one you have for love, his may require action and yours just attention. This all makes perfect sense to the guys out there because this is what we do. We plan, we fix and we just take care of it, but Katie and Hannah need something different, something that is not very natural to me. They need someone to listen, just listen, nothing else but look at them and listen, now the really hard part, and empathize with there struggle at the same time without judgment, when executed properly often only requiring a hug at the end to make it all well. Sounds easy try to do it, when you walk in the door from Bible Study and hear your daughter running downstairs, she's already crying so you know it's got to be serious, met by the sobs and a hug. She said, "Just hold me. I'm sorry for crying, I know you can't handle crying, it's just -- I wish Mom where here -- she always knew what to say." All I could think is who hurt my daughter and am I going to have to hurt them too (Constant struggle in a mans head "turn the other cheek", "or an eye for an eye"). So I simply asked do you want me to take care of it or just hold you? (note to self here, High School girl drama only requires a hug, as the cure) I didn't have to go all "Mafioso" (in my mind sounded like- with a Brando deep growl, "You hurta my daughter now you know I must hurt a you, what would peoples think if I allow this disrespect." I know to much TV and in my head it sounded like Brando).

Now Hannah that's a different story, she is only half trained, yes she has heard all of the stories but has been allowed for the past year to kind of self-train because I didn't want to take that away from Regina's role of Mother. I will have to step up my game some with Ms. Hannah and solicit the Titus women of this church to come alongside and help train up this child. Hannah needs to learn how to be the supportive wife understanding that each of us has roles and this is done not to say ones better than the other but simply to prevent chaos.

As for me, I sometimes feel like I caught a disease that if you get too close you too may catch it. Lonely - yes, discouraged - on occasion, giving up - no way. Still I'm trying to find the time to grieve, this usually happens on Wednesday evenings right before church and I have no idea why. So, what does all this mean? Instead of me trying to teach my kids how to be the best students or the best athletes, I am going to train them to love the Lord our God with all their heart, mind and soul and to put others needs before their own. To respect authority, work hard and to obey God. What has this New Season of Life caused me to do, rely on God not just for the big things but for all things. Thank you and God bless all of you.

Thank you

Many of you know because you participated, but recently there was an imprompto fundraiser to assist in paying off some of the medical bills that mounted up during the battle waged against Regina's body. We know that the cancer didn't win but it did pay a mighty toll on us, and as Satan has come to steal, kill and destroy, God has sought fit to reclaim, give eternal life and restore. I want to thank all that participated, it was a huge blessing to us. Daron said that many did not get to participate and wanted to do something, don't worry I think Daron has agreed to cook again just before Easter to once again give you the opportunity to enjoy his awesome smokehouse foods. (More Details I am sure later.)

This actually came at a perfect time because last week I was feeling extremly lonely and it just was a very difficult week. This week has reminded me once again how hard this is: Katie has had a few blows given to her and generally she would talk to her mother about such matters because normally her dad would say dust your feet off and move on. Last night all that was here was me and all I could do was hug her because I didn't know how to fix it other than beat up the other person an act THAT I WILL NOT CARRY OUT (for the record). So again as I said all I could do was hug her, it just didn't seem like enough. I also missed an opportunity to pray with her and I'm sad about that, but I have prayed since for her and will be more watchful for the next moment. All of this just proves why God puts a mom and a dad in the home; as I struggle to understand emotion, Regina was all emotion and her problem solving came from that line of thinking. I on the otherhand fix stuff, garbage disposal not working then I fix it, someone hurts my kid then I fix it. I am learning, my mouth on the end of a open fire hydrant, to breath listen and let some things just work themselves out. Don't worry honey if you read this I am always here for a hug, I love you!!!

Wanted those of you that read this to know that on Thursday evenings we have started a new Bible Study for men to meet here at my home, 8611 Malardcrest Dr., Humble, 77346, ALL ARE WELCOME. This is a Matt Chandler series that we will do on the book of Philippians. Look forward to seeing many of you, it starts at 7:30pm and we will go until 9:00pm this should give you time to get home from work and then come and share with others.

Again thank you for all the support that each of you give to me with your comments and encouragement to the blog and also to all of you that helped this past week bless us in a time of need.

God Bless

Kevin

Missing Her Like Crazy

I keep coming across things that remind me of some of the quirkie stuff we used to do and say and still making me sad. For example, I saw a journal entry from her about someone and she said, "they were such a crack smoker." Regina also, has so many pictures, so many that it is borderline hording the amount that I have. I need to put them in albums, but am afraid I'd go broke on supplies (note to self: project for another day). Too many years of memories to forget, so how do you get through a day without breaking down? Each day gets better and I know I can still expect sad days. The hardest part is waking up at night after having such a vivid dream and looking for her and she is nowhere to be found.

Last night I had a dream that somehow she had come back to life (clue #1 this is a dream) and they now had a cure for her. I know that's crazy but that was the dream. The problem was that it was so vivid in my mind that it seemed to be real. I have had some real sad days this week and really need to get past this. Yes, I know it's a process and I am learning to be content in the process but, I am truley lonely, all I have known for the past 30 years is a life with Regina as a part of it, and now the part that made me complete as Christ kneaded us together is torn away leaving a wound. Sure, I'll keep going on and most people will never even know the pain I feel, and "no," I probably won't even admit to it.

The kids seem to be doing better, grades are going up schedules are normalizing and we understand this is "make it" time. We are all getting excited about our vacation together it should be a good time. I hope it is a time to reflect, heal and draw close as a family. We will focus on all that God has given and be thankful we are still able to say his name boldly.

Seek Ye First the Kingdom of God

God Bless, Kevin

General Update

Many of you told me that my blogspot had ben taken down. What I think may have happened is that someone used it to hack the members and send out a malware email. This one is binyne as a virus but it does try to gather information to help them sell more of their product.

Wanted everyone to know that we are doing well for the most part, we still have tough days, in that most days are good. We are working through the process and understand it will take time. My body is healing well and I have even started to do some yoga just to stretch, until the doctor releases me back to full status in four more weeks. I am learning what I can eat a what I can't eat after the removal of my gallbladder. Work is picking up with lots of prospects. And the kids are doing well.

Other than this that's all I have for know.

God Bless

one month later

Hard to believe that a month has already gone by since Regina's death. I am getting better from the gall bladder removal, I sleep most nights pretty well and the kids seem to be ajusting as well. I'm not saying this is easy but I thank God that we can go on with life without Regina, I think maybe because we knew it was not goodbye but see you later. One day we too will be faced with mortality and the security of being able to know your destination is comforting. Thank you for Heb. 11-1 and God's grace.

Thank you for your continued prayer as we heal and greive.

God Bless

Three Updates today

Received three different updates today and thank God that He is God and I am not. I know that none of these things have surprized Him because He already is aware of each of the outcomes. Updates went like this. Found out today that one friend's wife will have to go through cancer treatment soon after surgery (and that's all there for know). My cousin received a very positive CT Scan result that shows only a small amount of cancer in the lungs (nodes and and throat are clear) PTL. And that Mr. Day is now on 24 hour crisis care with Hospice (pray for the comfort of the family). All of this is great news as we get yet another opportunity to see God work the affliction, praise Him for what He has done and rejoice in the fact that another soldier is about to go home. Every one of these situations is racked with emotion that is being worked out.

I am starting to feel better but the pain from the air they put in you is intense at times. Very uncomfortable when you can't breath, are making animal like sounds and you can here your kids laughing in the other room. Yes the are laughing not because I'm in pain but becauce of the noise. Trust me when I say I will be glad when it PASSES however it leaves. This is the first weekend with nothing planned and I feel the need to do nothing except watch the Texans beat Cinncinati, and maybe even see a miracle on Sunday if Tim and the rest of the Broncos beat the Stealers (yes I know I misspelled it). Don't much care about the NFC right now since I think Green Bay will probably make another Super Bowl apperance as long as they play one game at a time.

I hope everyone enjoys their weekend no matter what you spend time doing.

God Bless

You said there would be days like this

This morning was weird. Kids first day back to school, my first da making sure all the lights were off and dog (uups forgot to kennel her). Off to work and for some reason everything reminded me of Regina today. I am sitting at work trying to concentrate on what I am doing to little evail. I took a break to write this out get it off of my mind. My pastor warned me of days like this and that for no apparant reason I would be in a funk and as long as I kept my eyes in His Word and my "quiet time" with Him they would be easier. It does make it easier.

I was reading through Philippians and Paul was telling Christians that, "He who began a good work in you would be faithful to complete it."
(Phil 1:6) also applies to the fact that anything He brings to us, He will go through it with us so as we can rely on Him to help. This also re-enforces Philippians 2:12-18 on working out our faith. You see all of this is building and strengthening my faith in Christ, that if I had not gone through this I would not have the blessing of seeing how faithful God is. That so many of you have come along side of me and encouraged me to push on and keep the faith. I get to see to see the "New Testament Church" be what it is supposed to be. For example, there were many that came to the service for Regina that were unchurched, semi-churched, churched, believer, non-believer and even uncatagorized people. The one thing that was said to me above all else is that this was the "Best Service I've ever attended you have a wonderful church here." Amen. Pastor Nathan has told us time and time again that, "church is were you are", and as we go we don't show people a building, they see us and we are the church. So, you see we are supposed to be out there in the field sharing Christ (See this http://nathanlino.blogspot.com/ ) through our actions and our chance meetings. "Ammo up" and listen to the Holy Spirit as you are led.

I feel better already. I am recovering well from the gallbladder removal last Wednesday, thank you for your prayers. I also want to ask you to pray for the Dale Day as he is praying to live but preparing to die from cancer. Dale is secure in the fact that one day soon he will be face to face with Jesus but if it is His will to save him. I am going over today to visit with them and ask God to give me the words that He wants them to hear. Thank you

God Bless