Made it to Today

I can't believe we made it through the year, it was difficult and sometimes a bumpie road. The birthdays seem to be okay even the anniversaries weren't too bad, the two toughest days for me were Katie's graduation and the second Christmas. The first Christmas was a whirlwind because there were so many that showered us with love, and the kids with gifts from those that showered, it made it somehow fly through. Next thing you know it we have started school again and trying to get some sort of normalcy. It was Katie's senior year, Madison's freshman year and Hannah & Harrison were in the third grade and I of course had to go back to work. I of course made myself busy with stuff in order to take my mind off what it had to deal with, grieving for a spouse taken way too early in life. We made it through but not without some rough days. The anniversary dates seem to come and go with very little issue; Valentine's(always a holiday I thaught worthless b/c if you have not shown her how much you care for her the rest of the year what is one day going to do--THANK YOU HALLMARK.) Birthdays seem to be traditional and even uneventful. Even June 18th looking back, yes difficult was not a cryfest. But when it came to Katie graduating I realized I was out of my league on planning such an event with all the raw emotion attached to this very special day in the teens life. I was ill prepared to sit in the audience and hold back the tears b/c all I wanted to do was share this moment with Regina. Yes this may have been the first time I asked why? A question I will never understand the answer, even if given, this side of heaven. Though important Katies day was in no way comparable to the past several weeks. It all started with Thanksgiving, the first w/o Regina here on earth and fortunately some very good friends took away the burden of planning what we were going to do as they said "your coming to our house for Thanksgiving" and that was that. I have been experiancing the loneliness of the loss of Regina but not in such an accute way as Thanksgiving, December 9th and Christmas. Christmas was better but if not for Katie stepping in to help I would have never decorated a tree or even bought one present. Once again a holiday for us to spend money and do things on one day of the year we are to set aside our differances and love one another, HELLO if you celebrate this day for the day it is, "Jesus' Birthday" you should do this year around. Sorry for the unsolicited sidebar. I stated it was better because I because I could talk and memorialize Regina without the intense pain of missing her. The fact is I have worked through the seven steps of grief, I am currently rebuilding my life w/o her in it. She will always be a huge part of my life b/c the time with her, 30 years here, was the majority of my life. The process is not over I still think about her and miss her dearly, but I know she is better off where she is, in fact at times I am even invious she got to go first. I really need to wrap this up it is already too long for me to read so I would hate to make anyone endure more than they need. I do however want to thank God for His grace and blessing, and you for supporting and encouraging me and my family the way that you have.