Lonely and Relying on God

Lonely, yes last night was the first time I spent the night alone in the house realizing this is what it will be like once the kids are gone, then reality struck me and that won't be anytime soon. It will be at least a decade before this house is an empty nest. I have no idea what God has planned for my life in the future all I can live for, is now. I have been told to take those moments, when I'm alone, and seize them for what they are; a time to reflect or speak to God. Don't think I gave Him that chance since all I could do was think of who to call or text so I didn't feel so alone. I know the kids are having fun with there cousins as I sit and feel sorry for myself. I didn't even realize last night the mess the house is in, I'm glad I fell asleep before anyone responded to my text, looks like a bomb went off. So, after I get finished writing I'll get up and clean. Near as I can tell I fell asleep about 8:30 last night problem is that means my body alarm went off at 3:30 this am, never to return to sleep. For the past five hours I watched two movies, read my Bible (not to worry it was light reading in Revelation) and sobbed like a baby b/c I miss Regina so much, I guess God finally got the time He wanted. Everyone tells me it will get better each day and I do believe that is true but part of me has been torn out. I can live without my gall bladder they tell me, (they want to take that out now, more on that below) but not your heart. How can you live without your heart? Regina was my heart she was the vessel that God used to make me a better man. I didn't say a good man but I was better because when I let her down I let Christ down, and I wanted to do neither. Many didn't understand how truly fragile Regina was because her boldness and the need for shock value always was shown first. But she was no different than you and me got her feelings hurt, she felt inadequate at times and even feared failure. Because we believed God put us together we knew we completed each other in the Lord. Fact is she embolden me to be all I can be in Christ.

I mentioned earlier that they want my gall bladder, here's the story. Months ago had chest pains and went to the hospital. Did the stress test and everything all clear, yes they said I need to loose some weight. I was still having problems, went to regular Dr again and he ordered a liver scan had a follow-up appointment when Regina went in the hospital in October. Completely forgot until they called and said I needed to come in. I did and they reran blood work with the same results confirming what the scan found. I have some meds to help the attacks until it is removed.

That's it for now. God Bless and Merry Christmas.